Tall, Dark, Brooding and a complete prat!
by seriousblahblah
Summary: Hermione and Snape are both adults when they start dating, but the big age gap between them still makes the former Potions Master uncomfortable about approaching her parents...or asking for her hand in marriage. Plus Lucius gets involved...because he's a nosy bugger. Snamione snark and fluff. With a kinky Lucius/snape/Hermione plot twist later.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Hermione and Snape are both adults when they start dating, but the big age gap between them still makes the former Potions Master uncomfortable about approaching her parents...or asking for her hand in marriage. Plus Lucius gets involved...because he's a nosy bugger. Snamione snark and fluff.

Warning for humour because I always slip a bit of it in ;)

* * *

 **Tall, Dark, Brooding...and a complete prat! (title changed and it may change again)**  
SS/HG  
Hermione/Snape  
Post-war story.

 _"It's affection, always you're gonna see it someday._

 _My attention for you, even if it's not what you need."_

 _-Affection, CigarettesAfterSex_

* * *

~o~

 _Thursday, 6pm. Home._

The cat cradled in Hermione Granger's lap and began to purr deeply. Smiling, the brunette eagerly dug her fingers into the long-haired cat's belly and patted its silk-like fur.

The cat, named Lucius, began to purr even louder and more throatily; a dizzy happy look struck on its flat face. She enjoyed the feeling of its soft, silk-like mane; and the cat seemed to reciprocate the feeling. It dug its claws eagerly into Hermione's lap and its tail twitched as she began to pet it right beneath its furry ears.

"You're positively spoiling the urchin," Snape observed from across the room as he came towards her. He stopped in the doorway to observe them.

He was dressed all in black, except for a white dress shirt, which he'd left untucked. And he, decidedly, looked a lot like his cat, Lucius, who was also all black except for a tuft of white fur around its chest.

"It's a peculiar name. _Lucius,_ " Hermione murmured as she continued to stroke the purring cat. "I hope it doesn't mean that you're still fond of Lucius Malfoy?"

"Don't be silly." Snape cringed. "If I really cared for Lucius Malfoy, do you think I would have named a Himalayan cat after him? The thing is a ponce just like him, that's why I named the furball after his blond nomenclature. They're both insufferable."

Hermione chuckled and lifted the cat gently off of her lap and onto the floor. The dark, Himalayan cat immediately scowled and raised its scrunched nose in displeasure, clearly not pleased that it had been removed from the warmth and attention in her lap.

"That does sort of make sense, I suppose," Hermione said while observing Lucius's behaviour. "He is sort of uptight for a cat."

"Uptight?!" Snape exclaimed. "Uptight doesn't even begin to cover the pretentious ponce that cat is! It refuses to be fed anything other than filet-of-fish and fish fingers, raises its nose in snobbery and snubs anything that comes from a tin labeled 'cat food' and positively refuses to sleep on anything other than my downy, goose-feathered bed!"

Hermione suppressed a chuckle. "So you don't like Lucius Malfoy, but you don't mind having a cat named Lucius sleep with you every night?"

Snape glared at her. "Do be serious. He's a cat, not a man!" He strode up to her and sat down beside her before pressing a quick kiss to her lips. "Besides, I think you know whom I'd rather share my bed with nowadays. You." He tugged at her sweater.

"And Lucius," Hermione couldn't help but add to tease him more.

Severus Snape rolled his eyes with well-worn snark and placed a hand on her thigh. "Yes, I'm sure I actually have latent, suppressed feelings for Lucius Malfoy and that's why I named a cat after him. Clearly, I'm covering up for something."

The cat in question, watching them both from the carpet, hissed resentfully as if sensing that they were speaking about him. Both Hermione and Snape chuckled as Lucius's bright blue eyes glared at them.

"See? Didn't I tell you he's insufferable."

"Then why did you get him, if you don't love him at least a little?" Hermione pulled at Snape's collar to bring his lips back to hers. She pulled herself onto his lap, where she fit neatly and almost perfectly onto his thick, well-toned thighs.

"Uhh," Snape groaned in between lashings of her tongue and lips. His hands lowered to grip her bottom. "B-because Minerva gave him to me, saying he had no home. She completely suckered me into taking the ratty thing. I had no intention of ever getting a cat. He's been nothing but a nuisance."

"You should give him a chance," Hermione said in between undoing the buttons around his collar. "How long have you had him?"

"Only about 3 months, not long after I started dating you."

Hermione smirked as his tongue darted out to lick at her nose. Snape was rather quirky where he placed his tongue. She held her face back to meet his jet black eyes. "So good things have happened since he's been around?"

Snape tightened his grip on her hips and tried to tip her back forwards on his lap. "Sure, if you count, being covered in cat hair all the time as being 'good'." Snape was trying to be snarky, but his words came out in a deep, rugged grunt.

There was heat building up in Snape's otherwise pale, grim face. He always frowned whenever he was getting aroused. The former Potions Master became very serious and domineering. Hermione reached down to grab Snape's hands off her hips and kissed his palms. "Actually, I have something to tell you."

Snape's chiseled lips fell open, the frown in his forehead disappearing. "What is it?"

"Why are you expecting me to bring bad news?"

"I don't know. Something always seems to go wrong once that cat is around. He's sort of a jinx."

"Don't be ridiculous. This is good news."

"I'll be the judge of that," Snape muttered even more testily.

He seemed to be expecting the worst so instead, Hermione shrugged and whispered into his ear.

"I have to go see my parents for—"

"No."

She hadn't even finished her sentence before he was already refusing.

~O~


	2. Chapter 2

~O~

 _Thursday 7pm._

"Why not?"

"I don't make you visit _my_ family," Snape snapped.

"That's because you don't have any." But then Hermione realized what she'd said, how callous it sounded, and she swore under her breath while clasping at her forehead. "Sorry. That didn't come out right. I didn't mean to say that no one—"

"No, it's fine. I think it's well-established that I barely have any ties in this living world. Although," Snape said with a heavily, pregnant pause. "I'm still related in a way to the Malfoy's. Draco is still my godson and I don't make _you_ visit him, do I?"

Hermione crossed her arms, her cheeks reddening. "Oh, please, as if Draco wants to see his godfather dating his old school enemy. The Malfoys still think I'm beneath them!"

Her stomach churned just at the thought of going to Malfoy Manor. It wasn't for nothing that she'd been tortured in that house during that war and not even Draco trying to help Harry and her could either stop or completely remove the memories she had of Draco bullying them. Or everything that happened afterwards.

"Now you know how I feel about visiting your parents," Snape said conclusively, reaching out to their cabinet to get a glass of Firewhiskey.

Hermione's eyes widened. "My parents are nothing like the Malfoys. They aren't former Death Eaters and they aren't going to judge you."

Snape sneered at her in a way he hadn't done for years, since before when she was still a student in his class. "Really, Hermione? You think your parents are going to be so accepting of the fact that their only daughter is dating someone old enough to be her father?" Severus Snape chuckled grimly and took a sip of his Firewhiskey before narrowing his eyes at her. "I'll be lucky if your father doesn't try to hang me or accuse me of statutory rape."

"Don't be ridiculous. My father is a dentist, he's hardly one to be fighting or hanging anyone and he knows already that we didn't start dating until years after Hogwarts when I was twenty-three. You didn't even pay me any attention when I was your student, you completely ignored me, even when I was trying to answer a question."

"I should've continued ignoring you," Snape muttered grumpily.

"Don't be ridiculous. We would have missed out on a lot. Didn't you say the other night that you've, I quote: 'never loved a woman like you love me now'?"

 _"Damn her, and her photographic memory,"_ Snape muttered darkly to himself.

Yet it had made her heart positively thunder and she'd came twice that night when he'd spoken those words. It had been his most intoxicating, tender and vulnerable moment and she'd loved how his dark eyes had concentrated on her as she came unraveled under his hands.

"Well?" Hermione prompted, her cheeks returning to their normal colour again.

"I shouldn't have said that either." Snape scowled even more grumpily and flipped through a potions journal, pretending to ignore her.

Hermione just shook her head, however, because she was used to Snape's mood swings. The dark, brooding wizard wasn't used to being loved and still had trouble believing that she wanted to be with him and that it all wouldn't tumble down and end badly. It was just his insecurity speaking.

She decided to tease him a little. Because she really did want him to meet her parents, and she knew instinctively, despite his fears, that her parents would actually love him.

"Severus Snape," the Gryffindor brunette announced. "If you do not come with me for this, you will be sleeping with Lucius and _only_ Lucius tonight. And maybe the next night too."

Snape clenched his jaw, a muscle flinching in his stern face, though he was still unwilling to compromise. "What about the night after that?"

" _Hmmm_. I don't know." Hermione teased him with a smirk, tangling her hands in her own long hair and shooting him a lascivious look over her shoulder. "I think Lucius will miss you on that night too, so I had better not get in between you two."

"Damn it," Snape said and stood up to start undoing the buttons on his shirt. He scowled at the Himalayan cat who was watching their whole argument from the corner. "This is all your fault!" he told the cat.

Lucius promptly hissed.

"Severus, quit blaming that cat for everything!" Hermione began.

But Severus Snape wasted no time before throwing Hermione over his shoulder and carrying them both quickly to their bedroom where he wasted no time in showing his displeasure...all without the use of words.

It was surprising how much the grumpy former professor could express without a single word.

Hermione certainly felt overwhelmed and completely forgot about the meeting with her parents as Severus drove her over the edge and she moaned several times in succession.

Finally, she could take their angry silent treatment no longer and she broke it with a kiss, muttering, "Good god!" before Snape rolled her around and he began again, pressing open her thighs

"Good god, good god, good god, ohhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhh hellllllpppppp! GREAT MERLIN!"

Tears were falling out of her eyes by the end of the night.

Snape might have been an arrogant prat sometimes, but he was magical and mind blowing wizard the rest of the time.

"Any room for complaint?" Snape asked throatily after they finally had expended themselves and lay back down in each other's arms. He pressed his lips to her satiated, sweaty face.

"No. You're amazing and remain amazing," Hermione muttered breathlessly.

Snape smirked arrogantly. "Good."

Hermione returned his smirk. ".. _.but_ this still does not get you off the hook for tomorrow."

"Dammit! Have all my efforts been for nothing?!"

Hermione grinned. "No, I'm very happy with the effort you showed tonight, Severus." She turned over in bed and tucked in the blankets over her to rest. "Just try to show the same effort when you're meeting my parents tomorrow."

Snape groaned and smacked his forehead. "Does your mum expect me to go down—"

"Severus!"

He did not utter a word more, but glowered and gloomed in the dark, wondering what he'd done to deserve this.

 _'I will meet your parents, Hermione,'_ he thought to himself. _'But don't expect me to like them or pretend to like them.'_ With that grumpy thought in mind, he also turned over in bed and was greeted by Lucius's furry backside, as if the horrible creature been waiting for the opportune moment to jump up on the bed.

"Damn cat!"

"Shut up, Severus, you love that cat. And go to sleep," Hermione murmured, her face buried in her pillow.

Severus Snape kept an eye open, however. _'I won't have that damnable beast sitting on my face again!'_

On his cat pillow, in between Severus and Hermione, Lucius began to purr smugly.

~o~

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a/n: Does anyone think Lucius is just a cute Himalayan cat or he's actually a devil in disguise?

I will post the next chapter tomorrow if someone would like to read it, thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: More humour and drama and very much thanks to rhodabush, debs, aldira, smithback, guest, sereniterose, Lugia'schallenger13 and hillstar for reviewing! I got sick the other day but am better now and sorry I didn't update this yesterday :( but hopefully this chapter is worth a few laughs cheers!

and thanks to my beta who insisted hermione's parents be angry, though there is a surprise twist to the end of this chapter ;)

xx

* * *

~o~

 _Saturday 6pm._

As they knocked at her parent's door, after apparating, Snape scowled at the general, posh upper-middle class neighbourhood, which was worlds away from both Spinner's End and Hogwarts. Severus Snape looked particularly uncomfortable in the muggle, black suit he was wearing, a compromise from his usual black wizard robes. Although it did match Hermione's little black dress handsomely.

"I'm only doing this because I don't want to sleep with Lucius tonight."

Hermione grinned. "So you have reminded me repeatedly. Tell me, does the real Lucius Malfoy know he's being turned down?"

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm talking about the cat, not the wizard!" Yet Snape had a trace of a smirk in his eyes as he said this.

Hermione hoped Snape continued to lighten up this evening. For she did not want her parents to think she was dating a major grump. Even if he was a decorated war hero, Severus Snape could still rub people the wrong way when he was being surly.

"Try to smile," she told him.

"You know I _don't_ smile," Snape hissed, showing off his recently whitened and straightened teeth. (Hermione had told him all about how her parents were dentists and what they did, and apparently, this made him insecure, so he researched teeth perfecting spells all the next morning. And now Severus Snape's smile was almost as white a match to Gilderoy Lockhart's.)

"Try to." Hermione winked. "Your smile is bright enough now to light up a Christmas tree. If nothing else, they're going to love you for your dental hygiene."

"Don't remind me." Snape shrugged and put his arm around her waist. Yet she could tell he was fighting to suppress a smirk.

Snape had been told by several people today that his smile was nice; perhaps it would become a new thing for Snape to be a bit vain or at least take some pride in his appearance. He was actually quite a good-looking wizard, if distinctive, he was still tall, brooding and dark. Her mother for sure would love him since most women did seem to fall under the charm of his deep, intoxicating voice.

"Thank you for doing this," Hermione whispered one last time before the door swung open.

She wasn't sure what she was expecting but suddenly her mother's and father's smiles turned into frowns and looks of horror.

"Hermione dear who is this man? Is he Severus's father? Where is Severus?"

"Mum and dad, this _is_ Severus," Hermione muttered, feeling her skin redden with embarrassment for Snape. She couldn't believe her parents were being so rude.

"Hello," Snape chuckled, the only person unaffected by her parent's horror, since he had been expecting this. "May we come in?"

~o~

"I told you this would happen," he whispered in her ear as they sat down at the coffee table in the living room and her parents went off, presumably to chat amongst themselves too in the kitchen.

"Perhaps we should go. Merlin, I'm sorry." She pressed at her temples.

"No, Hermione we're already here, and frankly, I'm almost amused by how horrified your parents are."

Hermione stared up at him. "You're just going to use this to guilt trip me forever, aren't you?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I just find it amusing that your parents are looking at me like I'm a bloody cradle robber!"

"Severus, I will get them to apologise to you! I don't know what's gotten into them, I think they're just being protective—"

"Protective? Murderous, more likely," Snape drawled unhappily, toying with his wand like he wanted to use a spell on something.

They both fell quiet as her mother and father stepped back into the room.

"Hermione dear, I'm sorry," her mother said evasively. "You surprised us a little."

"Yes," her father said crossly.

Hermione tried not to get too defensive, though it was hard not to when they were being so judgmental and embarrassing her in front of her boyfriend.

"You invited Severus, remember? I told you all about him, he's a potions master, and you said you wanted to meet him—"

"Hermione, you never mentioned his age," her father said, looking anxiously between Snape and her on the couch as if he really did want to hang Snape. "Don't expect your mother and I not to be shocked, he's our age for bloody's sake."

"Mum, dad, please! Can you honestly not see how rude you're being—"

"Hermione, let me handle this." Snape cleared his throat. "I'm sorry sir, I neglected to fully warn Hermione that you, as her parents, would probably not be comfortable with the age difference. And I do not blame you or hold it against you, I did not intend to fall in love with your daughter either."

"You're in love with her?" her mother gasped and covered her mouth.

"Well, of course, he is!" her father muttered. "She's half his age!"

"That is NOT true."

"Well, he's hardly your age either, is he, and it is a big surprise!"

"I'm not sure what the surprise is unless you mean to say something less than kind about Severus?" Hermione defended him.

"Not at all! Look at him!"

Finally, Snape stood up, he could not take being the subject of so much conflict between her and her parents. "Sir, madam, I'm sorry that you do not approve of the age difference between your daughter and I, but the fact is I love her and I'd actually like to marry her—"

"You WHAT!? You want to do what to my daughter?!" Dr. John Granger was reaching out his hands to try to strangle him. "I'LL KILL YOU!"

~O~

Severus Snape awoke with a shudder and let out a gasp of relief. That horror show of whitening his teeth to be like Gilderoy Lockhart and then being skewered by Hermione's parents...had thankfully all been a bad dream.

"Oh, thank god, Merlin's sake," he muttered and closed his eyes, feeling the sheets under his palms.

He was still back in bed with Hermione sleeping beside him and that damn Lucius curled up at his feet, obnoxiously snoring.

Hermione murmured something in her sleep and then curled up closer to him. "Severus, are you alright?"

Snape stared helplessly up at the ceiling. "Would it make you feel better if I said I just had a nightmare about your parents?"

Hermione poked open an eye. "You can't be serious?" Hermione groaned. "Oh, c'mon, you're just going to meet them, nothing's going to happen, it'll go perfectly fine."

"Your parents wanted to kill me."

"That was my dream parents, it wasn't my real parents. My real parents are lovely!"

"You also got me to whiten my teeth like Gilderoy Lockhart, I looked like a bloody clown! But you insisted your dentist parents would like it."

Hermione finally sat up sideways, placing her weight on her elbows. "Severus, you're being absolutely ridiculous and I have never insisted or told you to get teeth whitening or any other cosmetic procedure or spell. Goodness, the idea alone is ridiculous, do you really think I'm so superficial?"

"I don't know, dream-you seemed to quite like the teeth whitening and insisted I smile."

Hermione smirked and reached her hands across his chest. "Well, that's the extent of which dream-me and me share in common: I do think you should smile more. You have a lovely smile, Severus."

Snape scoffed and shrugged her hands off his chest. "Unlikely. I know I'm not that easy on the eyes, Hermione, don't flatter me otherwise. I won't suffer foolish praise. I know I'm no beauty!"

Hermione groaned. "Fine. Be a prat, but teeth whitening or not, I expect you to meet my parents if you care about me."

Snape hissed. "Is that what you call caring? Forcing me to meet muggles?"

Hermione's eyes bulged. "They're not 'muggles', they're my parents, the people that gave birth and raised me, so I don't see why you wouldn't want to meet them if you truly care for me." She dusted off the sleep from her eyes. "Now if you don't mind I better get up."

"So you do think I should get a teeth whitening spell?" Snape asked from bed as she got dressed.

"I did NOT say that."

"But you do think it is a good idea?"

"Severus, your teeth are perfectly fine."

"But are they, by muggle standards?"

"Severus, I refuse to talk about this subject further. I don't know why you're getting so insecure about meeting them."

 _Because I bloody want to ask them for your hand in marriage one day!_ Snape wanted to shout. But he couldn't. It was an absolute secret and he wasn't sure Hermione would even want to get married to him. And he didn't feel like meeting her parents yet before he proposed and knew where he stood with her, but now this whole meeting was rushing things. It was wrecking his plans.

He noticed then the cat watching him smugly and Lucius hissed.

"This is your doing," Snape muttered. "I just know you're gloating at my mishaps."

Lucius hissed again and licked his paw as if to say 'get your act together, human, I had nothing to do with it'.

"Oh, do shut up!"

~O~

* * *

a/n: So I was going to put the actual meeting with her parents here...but I think Snape was so worried and tense about the whole thing that he had a nightmare instead. And just to clarify: snape isn't generally an insecure man, he's very strong, but this thing about meeting muggles and posh, rich ones makes him uncomfortable because it brings up old issues of how he was raised and scorned by muggles as a poor child in Spinner's End. So snape is feeling a bit stressed about it, also he may or may not have a proposal in plan...idk it will depend on whether Lucius gets involved or muddles up his plans! ;)

thanks for reading!

 **Question:** do you think Hermione's parents would react so angrily to snape like they did in his nightmare or would they just not care? Or would they be scandalized because of the age difference? Or do you think Snape would win over her parents?


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: A Stroll Through Knockturn Alley

* * *

 _~o~_

 _Saturday Morning, 7am_

~O~

Before Hermione got up the next morning, Snape had already gotten dressed, quickly gulped down a serving of her homemade pumpkin latte and headed out to Knockturn alley before she could say a word.

Severus smirked to himself as he thought of Hermione, with messy hair, still snoring and looking like a goddess in her pink matching lace pajamas...and drooling all over their pillow. The little brunette was a mixture of adorable and annoying. She'd probably wake up in an hour and wonder crossly where he went. Then she'd have a fit thinking he'd ran off right before their meeting with her parents this afternoon.

He chuckled to himself.

"Ah, no, Hermione, I haven't run off from our meeting with your parents. I'm hardly intimated by muggles, let alone yours." He thought and his beetle-black eyes turned to the shops of the windows beside him. "I've just gone out for a house warming present."

He fondled the heavy sack of galleons in his robe pocket. He didn't want to show up to the Grangers empty handed. Especially not after that nightmare last night. A nerve struck in his throat and he swallowed deeply.

He stopped in front of one of the shop windows and dared to smile at his reflection.

His cheeks reddened. Hmm. Perhaps his dream self had a point about the whitening and teeth-straightening spells. His teeth were less than substantial.

He coughed grimly and sneered at the passerbys who had been staring in shock at the sight of the infamously grumpy Severus Snape smiling at himself cheerily in the window.

"Do take a picture why don't you, it will last longer!" Snape directed the aim of his blow at a particularly nosy lady with an umbrella who was staring at him.

"Goodness!" the woman gasped before finally turning away and letting him be. The rest of the passerby's also went their merry way and Snape sneered at them until they all left.

He let out a sigh of relief when he was alone again.

It was hardly any fun being a decorated war hero after receiving the Medal of Valor. His face and likeness had been published in every magazine and newspaper after it became public knowledge the role he played in bringing down Voldemort. "Britain's Unlikely Hero", they heralded him in one headline. Hardly! He much preferred the secrecy of being a spy during the war when no one was the wiser of his activities. Now everybody treated him like a _cause célèbre_ and it irritated his nerves to no end. He didn't need doors to be held open for him or to be patted on the a back or told 'good job, well done'. It vexed him and made him want to shout at people for their idiocy. Especially the pats on the back! He was hardly senile! He didn't need to be patted on the back like some blithering old fool or sycophant! He just wanted to forget the war...and move forward things with Hermione!

Severus was about to step into the jewelry shop and wondered whether a bracelet for her mother would be too much of a gift...when he spotted none other than the slicked-back, blonde head of his only remaining relative coming towards him.

"Good grief. Not now!" The moody potions professor hurried into the jewelry shop and hoped Draco Malfoy, his godson, had not seen him.

Unlike Sirius Black, not everyone doted on and wanted to see their godson at every turn! Sirius Black and Harry Potter were always publically hugging and smugly walking arm in arm like they were brothers or best buddies or something else indecently familiar instead of just godson and godfather. Truth be told, Snape would not mind it at all if he never saw Draco again. He was very cute as a child and it was an honour at the time to be named godfather to one of Wizarding Britain's most distinguished dynasties...but now Severus was so far over it. The honour had worn off ages ago. And Draco Malfoy had grown up to be a bit of a prat, if a decent one. Probably from Severus's own good influence. Merlin knows if he turned out completely like his father, Draco would just be pure prat and not decent prat...as proven by his show of support to Potter at the end of the war.

"GODFATHER!"

Oh, good grief, he _had_ been spotted.

Snape tried to pretend he hadn't heard Draco and concentrated very hard on the glass case holding a bunch of sapphire encrusted bracelets. He tried to mentally pick out one that would be not too ostentatious a gift for Hermione's mother...one that maybe might match to the ring he'd choose for her...

Suddenly he felt Draco's arm wrap around his shoulder. Snape tried not to vomit.

"Godfather, it's you!"

Finally Snape turned around to face his opponent.

 _"Draco."_

"Severus!" Only his godson called him that anymore. He insisted everyone not on familiar terms, including Minerva, refer to him as Mr. Snape or Professor.

Draco's face beamed with a happy, wide smile. The young man looked exceptionally well...and lost like a puppy after the war. The Malfoy heir was clearly struggling to hold his family's prestigious dynasty together now that he was in charge of it.

"How are you Draco?" Snape attempted to sound like he cared.

"Oh you know how it is, with mother. She still cries every night about it."

"Really?" Snape pursed his lips. He held back a snicker. He never liked Cissy Malfoy much. She was almost as annoying as her crazy sister Bella had been, and both sisters had made his life as a spy doubly difficult with all their requests. Especially that one bloody request to kill Dumbledore that the stupid sisters had asked of him with an Unbreakable Vow! Just because he was Draco's godfather! Bloody entitled Blacks, same annoying strain as Sirius Black had been in Hogwarts.

"Oh, yes, ever since Father went missing, she's convinced he might be dead. She's in grieving stages since it happened."

"Yes, well, your father's hardly the type to let himself be locked up is he?" _Or let alone take any responsibility for any of his actions, not unlike a certain somebody who refused to kill Dumbledore and made his godfather do it!_ Snape thought bitterly.

"No, it's more likely he escaped," Draco agreed smugly and the pureblood thumbed some of the priceless jewelry he could well afford the whole lot of. It made Snape slightly conscious of the much smaller bag of galleons in his own pocket. "Father disappeared from his study the same day the Ministry tried to make that raid on the Manor."

"Weasley's doing again?"

Draco shrugged but his icy grey eyes narrowed. "We don't know who tipped them off, probably some old enemies within the Ministry. They still can't believe my family was let off, especially father since they know now he was also involved in both wars! Not just the last one and the Chambers. They're trying to do anything to get him sent to Azkaban."

 _Well that would be the just thing, wouldn't it?_ Snape refrained from saying aloud. It wasn't fair how all these rich elites always got away with their crimes. While it was only a stroke of luck people found out the truth of his own involvement and Snape was spared Azkaban because of Harry's heavy endorsement and appraisal to all the papers about his side of the story.

"My father's health hasn't been good lately." Draco continued with the saddest of tones, like he was describing a Greek tragedy. "The war took a toll on him and now with him gone three months, well...there's worries he might have done something to save himself the agony of going to Azkaban."

Snape suppressed a yawn. He was hardly on the edge of his seat to know if Lucius Malfoy was alright. He'd spent enough time with Lucius as a student in Hogwarts to know that the blond aristocrat was more than capable of taking care of himself. Unlike his stupid son.

"Don't worry. Knowing Lucius, he'll turn up fine," and richer than ever. "eventually."

"Yes, but why couldn't he have sent a message?" Draco whined like a child despite now being a young man in his early twenties.

" _I don't know, Draco_ ," Snape hissed wondering how the boy could be so thick. "It probably has something to do with the fact that your whole house and mother and you are likely under heavy surveillance by the Ministry's agents. They're watching out for his return. Nobody's going to believe your father off'ed himself." _Too narcissistic to kill himself,_ Snape thought. _Not a chance._

Draco looked over his shoulder and out towards the street. "You're probably right, I did feel I've been followed lately."

Snape resisted slapping Draco for missing the obvious clues. He turned back to the jewelry case.

"Why are you here anyways? Picking out something for Pansy?"

Draco scoffed. "Pansy and I broke it off ages ago. She wasn't right for me. I'm with the greatest girl named Astoria now."

"One of the Greengrasses?"

"Yes," Draco said proudly. "She's the sister with black hair and green eyes. I could've dated her sister, the blonde, but she was too obvious a choice and Astoria was the more sophisticated choice."

Snape rolled his eyes at hearing Draco brag about his buffet of society girls. It had only taken him years to get over Lily and then another bad muggle relationship before he finally struck it lucky with Hermione. He was not about to let everything be ruined now that he waited so long to find the right one.

A sudden thought occurred to Snape. He had never sought advice from his much younger godson. But perhaps in this one area, the boy might actually know something of use.

"Tell me, have you met her parents yet?"

Draco's face broadened into a content smirk. "I have actually. Things are going extremely well with the Greengrasses and I. Her father likes me immensely and her mother calls me 'a keeper'."

"Does she?" Snape raised his brows. He had a sudden fantasy of Mrs. Granger telling Hermione that _he_ was a keeper. "What did you do to make a good impression when you met them? Did you bring a gift? Elf wine? Baubles for the mother?"

"Of course, I did everything to impress them," Draco said.

The pureblood was obviously well-versed in all forms of etiquette and polite society manners. Snape hated to stoop to asking for advice from him but he swallowed his pride a little.

"Can you tell me what would be, er, the formalities when meeting a lady's parents?"

Draco grinned at his godfather and looked much too amused for Snape's approval. "I thought there was something different about you, a spring in your step...and you are in a jewelry shop," Draco stated the obvious like he was Sherlock Holmes finally piecing together the solution. "So you are seeing a woman?"

Snape stifled a groan. The last person he wanted to tell whom he was dating was Draco Malfoy. The boy would probably have a fit if he ever found out it was Granger. He had to keep that a secret from him and everyone in public. A good thing that Hermione was currently very private about their relationship too.

"Never mind about that, I can't tell you who it is, but will you help me?" He grabbed his godson by the shoulders.

Draco looked even more amused. "Why, are you planning to propose? Because you don't actually need the father's permission anymore."

"Just shut up!" His cheeks burned.

"Is her father even alive? You might be worried for nothing."

"Of course, he's alive!"

"I don't know, how old are you again? She's what, around 50? 60? They might not be around **—** "

"Why do you make assumptions!? I just told you they're alive. She's nowhere near 50 or 60!"

"So it's a younger woman?" Draco laughed.

"Shut up, and forget I ever asked you for help."

Snape was about to apparate away in pure embarrassment but Draco stopped laughing and grabbed him in earnest. "Don't worry, I know just what you need to do to make the greatest impression ever."

Would he really? He couldn't even begin to tell the arrogant swat that her parents were muggles, he was meeting them today and the lady in question was none other than his old enemy and Potter's sidekick. Well, they could save the questions for later. He just needed help fast.

"Have you already got her a ring?"

"No."

"Good. Don't. Not until you meet the parents. You don't want to get involved if her family is crazy."

Snape hissed. "I don't care if her family are dragons covered in boils and breathing sulfurous fire from the pits of hell, I would still love her the same and want to marry her."

"Wow, you are serious! How long have you been dating her?"

"Five months."

"And you _still_ haven't met her parents yet?"

"She's tried to make me many times but I always came up with excuses."

"Oooooh. You're going to have to make up for that. Big time. You should've met them ages ago."

He pulled the potions master towards a particular glass case filled with cuff links, rings and tiaras.

"Now here is the type of thing you want..." Draco spoke with casual finesse. Snape nodded along and wondered what he'd got himself into.

~o~

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a/n: Thanks for reading, enjoyed writing this chapter this morning. I missed this story, Snape is a fun guy when he's trying to be romantic. It's such a struggle for him to fight his need to be callous and unfriendly while also trying to be the proper partner to his gf's family. Will he propose? Will he run off permanently in fear of commitment and in-laws? Or will Draco and maybe Lucius come to the rescue? Who knows...

I have a feeling the cat might be involved

cheers


	5. Chapter 5

_a/n: Thank you so much for reviewing and reading along, be prepared for some surprises!_

* * *

 _Saturday 3pm_

~o~

"Where is he, Ginny?" The brunette spoke to her best friend through the Floo-network. Ginny was looking worriedly at her friend through the fireplace and trying to calm her down.

The brunette was ready to rip her bushy, long hair out. She hadn't even finished combing her hair yet or putting Sleek-Eazy so she looked decent when they went to her family's. She still had to pick out a dress too, if Snape even decided to show up on time and get ready too.

"Do you really think he ran off? Now?"

"I don't know," Hermione looked at the clock and grasped at her forehead. "If he doesn't show up in two hours, I'd say it's pretty clear he bailed!" She was twisting her hands in knots.

"I can't believe he would do something so immature, especially at his age. You'd think he'd know better," Ginny said. Ginny was about the only person who knew about Hermione's intimate relationship with Snape and the redhead had been told under the strictest confidence. "Besides, it's not as if you asked for much, just to meet your parents."

Hermione restrained unhappy laughter. "You'd be surprised how immature older men can be. It wouldn't be the first time he came up with some excuse. I thought your brother was immature with the emotional range of a teaspoon. Snape might just be a sieve!" _Though better in bed,_ she told herself, _with a bigger spoon._

"Yeah and I thought you dodged a bullet there when he ran off with Lavender again, saying he'd made a mistake. But are older men really better?"

Hermione tried to figure her own thoughts out. She knew she loved Snape, that was a given. Snape absolutely loved her in return, that was also a given, even if Snape was begrudging to admit it to her face, he adored her. They also had lots of passionate sex, almost too much of it to give her time to rest! Not that she was complaining. Probably years of suppressing it had made the potions professor explode with new found passion. Last night had been no exception. Yet again Severus Snape had done everything to push her buttons and make her cry his name in satisfaction. Yet what about this morning? What about the rest of their relationship? It couldn't just be them in bed all the time, as enjoyable as that was. Snape was showing her such a lack of respect and commitment by not taking the meeting with her parents seriously. And it seemed so unlike him. Because while he had been staunchly against and afraid of the idea of meeting her family at first, he had seemed to warm up to it in the last two days. There had been a glint, a fiery determination in his coal-black eyes, as if he was going to rise to the challenge. Didn't he love her enough, to do that, after all?

Hermione bit her lip. "I don't know. I think what you and Harry have is special, the way you support each other and know every detail about each other. I thought that's what Sev and I had. But sometimes, when he pulls stunts like this, it makes me doubt everything. He can be so tender sometimes...and then this. Complete withdrawal. Like he's trying to avoid any sign of commitment or that this is not just a fling."

"It's his insecurity speaking," Ginny said confidently. "Not you."

"I know." Knowing Snape's psychology, however, didn't make her feel any better at this moment. Snape's insecurity had a way of creeping up on her and making her doubt herself too. When he pulled away, though it came from his own pain, she couldn't help feeling abandoned too like she'd done something wrong. Though she knew Snape was really pulling away out of fear, like an abused puppy. "He came from a broken home. Of course, he's afraid to get hurt again. He lost the only love of his life, he's so messed up **—** "

Ginny corrected her. The red-head coughed loudly. "Sorry to inform you Hermione, but I actually think _YOU_ are the love of his life. Lily, bless her heart, Harry's mom, missed out on her chance. Snape and her never even got together. Do you honestly think Snape even slept with Lily?"

Hermione thought that over. Snape, while tall and imposing as an older man, was a very skinny, nerdy-looking teen with lanky hair. Young James Potter and Sirius Black, his athletic bullies, had unfairly outshone the young potions master in every way. Snape hadn't stood a chance. "Probably not."

"Exactly, this whole time, he's been worshipping this ideal image of Lily, while he never really got to know what she was like as a girlfriend. He only knew her as a friend. He actually knows who you are Hermione, you are real, you're his girlfriend. You mean the world to him and he doesn't even know it **—"**

"I'll have to keep telling myself this. I doubt he would've stood up Lily like this, even if meeting the Dursleys."

"I'm sure he has some excuse, we'll find out soon."

She took a swig of ice-cold tea. "...Not if I ring his neck soon!"

Ginny looked behind her in the fireplace. "I better get going. Harry's going to be home soon and I know you don't want him to walking in on us gossiping. He would freak if he overheard your boyfriend was Snape!"

Hermione laughed to herself. "Yes, please. Thanks for talking. I hope Harry keeps thinking the guy I'm seeing is Cormac."

Ginny grinned. "Yeah, he can't quite understand why you'd date Cormac but he understands why you would be embarrassed by it. You look absolutely mortified every time Cormac tries to flirt with you."

"I don't have to try. It comes naturally after 6 years of putting up with it. I'm almost disappointed Harry would think I'd have to _pretend_ to dislike Cormac."

"You have to give him that, for persistence. Too bad it never worked."

Hermione shrugged her shoulders. "I hated Snape too for awhile but then he managed to completely win me over in 6 days, if not less. Once Snape actually made the effort to be anything but a hateable git and Hogwart's most unpopular professor, he's actually a likeable human being. And when we met as adults? Well, you should see how fast he can get you to like him when he's on seduction mode, no holds barred. He went right for me."

Ginny laughed. "You'll have to tell me the full story of your courtship sometime."

"I will."

"Hey?" Ginny said before leaving the Floo-network

"What is it?"

"Try to be easy on him." Ginny smiled and tapped her own nose. "Call it my sixth sense but I just have a feeling you got Snape all wrong. He'll show up. That man is in love with you."

Hermione sighed and stretched her arms. She smiled with her lips pressed together, holding back a barrage of emotions. "I know that. It's just Snape in love is a bit unreliable, isn't he? He did after all call his first love a 'mudblood' and then completely turn against her."

"Forget about her, Mione, that's all in the past. He's going to learn and do better now. He has you, after all," Ginny said with her fist raised. "If the poor sod doesn't know how lucky he is to be dating Hermione Granger, I will personally use my famous Bat-Bogey hex on him."

"Thanks Gin." She truly was blessed with her friend. While not having the privilege of being Ginny's sister-in-law like she expected when Ron and her were dating, Ginny had stayed loyally by her side even when Molly had been less than kind about the break-up. Almost a year had passed and Molly was still not close like she had been. "I won't forget to ever thank you for doing that to Ron when you found about him hooking up with Lavender again."

"The pig deserved it, even if he's my brother. I hexed him several times and every family function since, despite mum's hollers. But hang in there, I know you're worrying for nothing with Snape. Snape is a little immature but he'd do anything for you!"

"I hope you're right," Hermione waved goodbye as Ginny disappeared from the fireplace and she was left alone again. Well, not quite alone. She still had time to give Lucius his bath, if the sly cat showed up. The cat seemed to have a sixth sense about when she had intentions of grooming him and likewise disappeared.

"Lucius? Here kitty, kitty, come out of your hiding, darling, I want to give you a bath!" The Himalayan was shedding buckets everywhere and needed to be combed as well. If she could coax the furball into a bath first, everything would be easier and she could comb him while wet.

"Lucius?"

Not a squeak or show of his furry little head.

Hermione placed her hands on her hips. "That's two gone, now. Where, oh, where are they?"

~O~

 _Diagon Alley_

"Are you sure this will work?" Severus Snape asked for what must have been the 1000th time.

Draco placed his hand on his godfather's shoulder. "Positive, it's nearly infallible. As soon as she says yes and you place the ring on her, the bonding spells will ensure a long, faithful marriage. All the purebloods do it, it's why there's so little disintegration of our families. The ring you chose is perfect."

"It should be!" Snape coughed. "It nearly cost me a limb."

Snape had only meant to get a little advice from Draco but he ended up getting the whole 9 yards and everything from engagement rings to spells and what to say to her father that night.

"With the spell its even more perfect," Draco beamed. "You're a lucky wizard, whoever she is, if she says yes. She'll be yours permanently."

 _"Permanently?"_

"Well, give and take the chance of divorce, yet the spell works quite well to prevent that by keeping all parties involved emotionally instead of straying. The spell is irreversible as long as the parties are in love."

Snape frowned. He'd come from a broken home and while he wanted marriage, the last thing he wanted was for his marriage to break down or become loveless. What Hermione and he shared now was perfect. They just needed to capture their love at its height now in the spell and the ring would ensure their marriage would be just as stable. _..If she said yes._

Snape pocketed the green ring and stared at its brilliant, sparkling encrusted corona set on gold. He imagined the precious ring on Hermione's left hand. Snape felt himself start to sweat. He hadn't been this nervous since Voldemort interrogated him about his relationship with Lily in the first war.

"Do you think she'll say yes?" Snape stammered.

"You have to do well with her parents, make an impression, then tonight on your knees and propose. Or maybe the next night," Draco said it with such ease. Snape wish he hadn't felt he swallowed a whole lump of dungbeetles in his stomach. Inside, he was squirming with unease, though his face only showed the slightest bit of paleness. He wasn't the notoriously taciturn Potions Master for nothing.

"Draco, er, your help has not been unappreciated, I would like to say **—"**

"No thanks required, Severus. It's been good to see you. It's nice to have a godfather around. I miss my father terribly."

"Yes, well, I'm sure he'll turn up. Try not to mourn him too long. I had better go." He had taken far too long in the stores and Hermione was likely worried by now. He pocketed the priceless ring in his pocket along with a few other purchases he'd made.

"Good luck," Draco called over his shoulder.

 _"I can brew luck!"_ Snape thought with a sneer as he headed in the opposite direction. The Potions Master could expertly brew Felix Felicis in a few short hours, using his own recipe, but he wouldn't believe it would be fair. He wanted Hermione to consent on her own terms, not because he got lucky, but because she actually, genuinely loved him and wanted to be with him for life. Same with her parents. It would be unfair if he used his magic or mind-reading to charm them into liking him. Call him what you wish, yet Snape preferred to be himself and genuine. No holds barred. No sugarcoating or words minced about.

He was Severus Snape, not Britain's Sweetheart or 'Unlikely Hero', for Merlin's sake! He was going to be himself and only himself.

 _The Grangers could take it or leave it_. Yet his palms were sweating around the little box that seemed to weigh so heavily in his pocket.

Either Hermione said yes or she didn't.

What could possibly go wrong? Snape shook his head and lifted his chin. No, he was worried for nothing. He'd get through this like he got through everything. Merlin knows, he'd been through much worse. He knew Hermione and him were right for each other. Not her family or anyone else could get in the way!

~o~

a/n: the proposal and parents next in one big night...plus something goes awfully wrong. but what could it be? Hermione saying no? Hermione saying yes but on a condition? her parents telling her to think twice about her relationship? or maybe just the spell going wrong? hmmm any ideas

til next time! please review if you want to read more


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